i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
