So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
