He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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