He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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