I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
