Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I touched a dick in church today
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
