this just has baby written all over it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
