Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
