my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Acid is not a monday night drug
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
