I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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