Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
