She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shitshow foam night was such a success
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
