I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
