God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
