Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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