dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize