thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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