I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
