i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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