shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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