omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
