WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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