i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Come on in and take your pants off
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