Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize