bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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