dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
50% drunk capacity currently
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
