...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
