Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
