just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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