i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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