I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
