I wish I only lived at night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
