Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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