Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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