I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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