I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
