just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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