I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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