my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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