I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My breasts were aching with rage.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
