when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
