You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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