Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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