My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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