Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
