I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
