Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
