On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize