I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
