Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
