Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
