So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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