In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
