ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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