Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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