Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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