Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
