Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
