I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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