I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
