i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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