I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're too hungover to prance.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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