great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
