I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
do herpes really smell.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
