If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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