u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
