So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
