Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
