I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
