Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
