I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
