my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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