Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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