how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
