we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
