Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
