i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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