so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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