either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
