gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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