the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
