If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
