he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
