We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
