Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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