I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
birth control should be required to get into college
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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