She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize